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Poems
May 4, 2003 19:44:28 GMT -5
Post by HPFan_is_back on May 4, 2003 19:44:28 GMT -5
Lol at Lime's poem. You guys know what totally awesome thing happened?(about a month ago, but hey, I'm still happy) My cousin saw one of my poems right, and he was like: "Man, this is awesome... you totally have to write for me and my band!" It was the day before I went on holidays (ok, fine not a month ago, 2 weeks, but still) so I didn't tell anyone on here or anything but you have no idea how happy I was at that moment and I'm still happy. I'm an official songwriter, I'm a part of the band, even if all I do is write lyrics. I've alreayd given them 2 in spanish... I'm writing one in english now. It's called Planet of the Morons. =D Ok, I just finished it.
PLANET OF THE MORONS.
I've been falling apart Right under their noses Anyone would realize that But I live in Moron Planet.
Planet of the Morons, I'm about to fall apart, You hearing me out?! You just don't understand.
Maybe I should just give up. Maybe I should just let go. Maybe I should fight no more. Maybe it's time for this to stop.
You don't care, after all Morons, you probably Have no idea what's been going on, not at all.
This is it, bunch of morons, I'm sick of you all. This is it, you morons, It's time to let go.
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Poems
Oct 23, 2003 23:26:28 GMT -5
Post by gnebe on Oct 23, 2003 23:26:28 GMT -5
i wrote something the other day that i'm really proud of:
God & Love
Once upon a time, God came to me and said I'm giving you this thing called Love Just to mess with your head
You'll look at girls and imagine That you're with them in bed But the chances are so unlikely You'll keep dreaming till you're dead.
Love's not just about bed, You'll feel it every day of your life And when you find the right one, You'll offer her the status of "wife"
That's not the end of it, though Is what God said to me If you do get to be with her You'll feel totally free.
How will I find her, I asked You'll know it when it's right Cause when it happens, nothing can break it Not with any man's might.
Whenever you kiss or touch her, Your lip might quiver a bit But that's how you're going to know That this one's the shiz-nit.
Sounds pretty weak to me Is what I said to God No, man.. No way, No how This thing'll be da BOMB!
Your endorphins will be pumping and your heartbeat's gonna race That'll cause a smile to form Every time you see her face
You'll move mountains to see her and swim across the sea You can do anything when you're in Love And then you'll be thanking Me.
Well, When will I get her? I asked God And He said Seriously? Never, with that attitude. Love's more about give than receive.
Sounds way too complex, I thought. Better just to live alone. And then, of course, that's when it happened. The girl of my dreams happened along.
She made me so happy and so mad.. We got into so many fights And every time, I thought to myself How could that stupid old fool be right?
But of course he was, and I knew it Every time we touched That damned lip of mine did quiver And when I'm with her, I don't want to rush.
It's all more difficult than he said the fights, the heartache, the breakups. And somehow, that's always forgotten Every single time that we make up.
Cause we know we can't live happily If we don't have each other And that, my kids, is the story of how God gave me your mother.
-October 21, 2003
<<< edit: added color to last 2 lines >>>
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S.S Tigress
Slytherin Alumni
Shots in the dark from empty guns, never heard by anyone
Posts: 1,345
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Poems
Oct 24, 2003 15:44:52 GMT -5
Post by S.S Tigress on Oct 24, 2003 15:44:52 GMT -5
That's pretty sweet. Although I dont like that you gave it two differrent tones. One is to be kind of funny with words like "shiz-nit" and "da bomb" and then parts of it are just really touching. All in all, I think I will go show it to all my friends now... ;D
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Poems
Oct 24, 2003 22:10:31 GMT -5
Post by Sphi on Oct 24, 2003 22:10:31 GMT -5
Aw, yeah that was sweet. I liked the ending; I had to think about it for a second, and then I was really touched.
But I sorta agree with Tigress. I didn't particularly like how you added those certain words--they seemed very out of place. But it's still a good poem overall. May I ask what the change is color means, if anything? I was trying to notice a pattern or symbol from it, but I don't see any.
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Poems
Oct 25, 2003 0:29:43 GMT -5
Post by gnebe on Oct 25, 2003 0:29:43 GMT -5
*beams* i'm glad you liked it!!! it's definitely one of my best works ever, i think. well, the "shiz-nit" and "da bomb" parts were mainly for rhyming effect. but overall, it's meant to basically be just a silly poem, because that's how i felt when i wrote it. i was in my first really silly and creative mood in a loooong time. personally, i think that the tone change kinda works for it. because, love isn't always about being completely for someone. sometimes, it's about just hanging out, and having fun, and goofing off, and such. now, granted, that's just my excuse because you mentioned it, but it's a fair argument. the color change had a VERY significant meaning. it took me about a half-hour to get it all right. or, close enough that i'd be satisfied. i wonder if i should leave you in suspense about it... *maniacally evil laugh* (.etihw si noitarran .eulb si yug eht dna ,neerg si dog .gnikaeps s'ohw htiw od ot sah ti .gniddik tsuj ,han)
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S.S Tigress
Slytherin Alumni
Shots in the dark from empty guns, never heard by anyone
Posts: 1,345
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Poems
Oct 25, 2003 10:44:04 GMT -5
Post by S.S Tigress on Oct 25, 2003 10:44:04 GMT -5
I think I caught on to that, gnebe
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Poems
Oct 25, 2003 17:46:41 GMT -5
Post by Sphi on Oct 25, 2003 17:46:41 GMT -5
Oh okay. I was actually thinking along those lines while I was reading it, but I guess it didn't click completely. And I'll buy your excuse; I guess it's just a question of personal style.
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Poems
Oct 28, 2003 23:42:29 GMT -5
Post by Ersade on Oct 28, 2003 23:42:29 GMT -5
OK, so I was bored during Physics today and ended up writing this really depressing poem. It happens to be one of those really dark poems about suicide, and I guess I wrote it because I've had more than one friend attempt lately. I know this poem freaked out my mum, but my friends liked it (as dark as it is) and said I should submit it to the school literary magazine. What do you guys think?
CLOUDS Suffocating in your words Of cold indifference My eyes grow tired Your voice grows silent My body remains, a hollow shell As my insides float away Effortless and free A quiet peace surrounds me There is no need for tears In my cloud of serenity
Crashing back to this hopeless reality Pain cuts into me, the tears flow And in my depressed silence I only wish to return to the place Where my soul felt truly free A scream escapes my lips As my heart breaks in two And I pull the trigger To become one again In my cloud of serenity
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Poems
Jun 18, 2004 11:02:27 GMT -5
Post by Jenny's Back! on Jun 18, 2004 11:02:27 GMT -5
[glow=jenny,2,300] Well, I had nowhere else to post this so I'm using this thread
Everything's going wrong. No one to turn to. My friends aren't true, My family doesn't understand. The only one who knows Is gone.
Nothing's going right, Life is so tough. Teachers won't listen, The preachers won't like it. The only one who would Is gone.
Everything's a mess. So behind with work. Sisters won't help, Brother's too busy. The only one who'd help Is gone.
Nothing's left standing. Everything's crushed. I can't reassemble, I can't fix it. The only one who can Is gone.[/glow]
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