Dianella's Writing Workshop - Revised!!

[dianella]

Hello all you Jr. JK's! Thanks to the prodding of some friends (A.N. ), I'm bringing back a thread that existed back on Trapdoor1.

This is a place to build those writing muscles of yours!
I'll propose a topic, idea, story starter or some other prompt, and anyone that wants to can submit a short response. I'll be making submissions too ! We'll try to stretch our imaginations and flex our writing muscles!


So I hope you join me and have a little fun

I think I was a little overambitious in our original first assignment...SO here's something short and FUN!

Let's work on METAPHORS (and similes too...basically comparisons...)! I'll list some prompts, but feel free to use your own. Try to make very unusual comparisons....

1. Rita Skeeter put on the ridiculous rhinestone glasses
that made her look like_____

2. Harry collapsed on the bank of the lake, exhausted from the second triwizard task. Ron, soaking wet and panting from his efforts, turned to Harry and said, "Ugh! You smell like a _____________"

3. Snape turned his ugly, sneering face to Neville and snarled, "You are as stupid as a _____"

4. Draco had beaten Harry to the draw, and suddenly a jet of purple light streaked across the quidditch pitch and hit Harry like _______________

5. The triwizard cup gleamed like ______________

[replacement]

Wow, this is such an amazing place, I need so much help with my writing...

Here is my assignment:


1. Rita Skeeter put on the ridiculous rhinestone glasses
that made her look like an escapee from a wax museum.

2. Harry collapsed on the bank of the lake, exhausted from the second triwizard task. Ron, soaking wet and panting from his efforts, turned to Harry and said, "Ugh! You smell like a dog that was left out in the rain."

3. Snape turned his ugly, sneering face to Neville and snarled, "You are as stupid as a goldfish in a coma."

4. Draco had beaten Harry to the draw, and suddenly a jet of purple light streaked across the quidditch pitch and hit Harry like an arrow fresh from its bow.

5. The triwizard cup gleamed like an apparation, as though its shimmering surface was somehow magnifying light into a point,directed straight into your eye.


Please help me, I need as much as I can get...

[dianella]

Ah!! Those were so funny - I LOVED the goldfish in a coma. That made me laugh out loud! The "arrow fresh from its bow" was very smooth. That would be very nice in a story.

In number 5, you have two good ideas, but they don't go well together. The triwizard cup gleamed like an apparition (not apparation), which would be like something ghostly. Something ghostly wouldn't sparkle so brightly that it would direct beams of light into your eye. It would shimmer softly as though it was not real.
The second half of your statement, about directing and magnifying light, would work well if the cup gleamed like a diamond. So I liked both trains of thought, but they just don't work well together.


The escapee from a wax museum was funny too, although that metaphor would work even better if you wanted to use it to describe her skin or the amount of makeup she was wearing. Then the reference to the wax would be very visual!

The wet dog was a fairly common metaphor, and I'm willing to bet Harry smelled worse than that after being in that lake!

GREAT job - feel free to make up some of your own or post some more! And I think you may need less help than you think

[replacement]

Ok then, how about these...

1. Rita Skeeter put on the ridiculous rhinestone glassesthat made her look like an escapee from a wax museum, her make-up creating a sunbleached effect on her used-to-be-smooth skin.

2. Harry collapsed on the bank of the lake, exhausted from the second triwizard task. Ron, soaking wet and panting from his efforts, turned to Harry and said, "Ugh! You smell like a the back end of a hippo, only a hippo washes every now and then."

5. The triwizard cup gleamed like an apparation, its shimmering surface, closely matching the shine of anticipation in Harry's eyes.

**Some of my own**

"Wannagoballwimme!" The words poured out of Harry's mouth, blended together like day and night.
(((I know it doesnt suit the situation but it may work)))

Comparing Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy is like comparing soccer and rugby, so similar, yet so different.

[dianella]

LOL!! The back end of a hippo...oh that was funny! And I REALLY liked the link to the shine of anticipation in Harry's eyes...masterful!

And a very interesting comparison with Harry/Draco - Soccer/Rugby.

What fun... I shall post another exercise soon. Hopefully more will join us here

In the meantime, if you, Lews, or anyone else just wishes to post something to get some feedback, feel free.

[Guest]

The triwizard cup gleamed like the sun's reflection off a glassy lake.

The triwizard cup gleamed like Percy's freshly polished Head Boy badge.

The triwizard cup gleamed like a pair of unknown headlights on a dark deserted road.

[E Brooks]

4. Draco had beaten Harry to the draw, and suddenly a jet of purple light streaked across the quidditch pitch and hit Harry like the sting of a whip across raw bare flesh.

Draco had beaten Harry to the draw, and suddenly a jet of purple light streaked across the quidditch pitch and hit Harry like the heavy unbearable weight he felt each time he returned to the Dursley’s.

Draco had beaten Harry to the draw, and suddenly a jet of purple light streaked across the quidditch pitch and hit Harry like a rock-hard fist beating the air from his lungs.

Draco had beaten Harry to the draw, and suddenly a jet of purple light streaked across the quidditch pitch and hit Harry like the flesh piercing heat from a dragon's mouth.

[dianella]

Guest-Guest said:

The triwizard cup gleamed like the sun's reflection off a glassy lake.

The triwizard cup gleamed like Percy's freshly polished Head Boy badge.

The triwizard cup gleamed like a pair of unknown headlights on a dark deserted road.

Ahh- the percy's badge comparison is really funny! You could even see JK using that in reverse...

"Percy had polished his head boy badge until it gleamed more brightly than the triwizard cup..."

[dianella]

Guest-E said:

4. Draco had beaten Harry to the draw, and suddenly a jet of purple light streaked across the quidditch pitch and hit Harry like the sting of a whip across raw bare flesh.

Draco had beaten Harry to the draw, and suddenly a jet of purple light streaked across the quidditch pitch and hit Harry like the heavy unbearable weight he felt each time he returned to the Dursley’s.

Draco had beaten Harry to the draw, and suddenly a jet of purple light streaked across the quidditch pitch and hit Harry like a rock-hard fist beating the air from his lungs.

Draco had beaten Harry to the draw, and suddenly a jet of purple light streaked across the quidditch pitch and hit Harry like the flesh piercing heat from a dragon's mouth.

I found two of these particularly interesting, especially when I think of them at the same time. The sting of the whip and the heat from the dragon...it makes me wonder what WOULD it feel like to get hit by a curse? I think you used great imagery in both and I could feel them both - and they make me wonder (which is a GOOD thing... ) what it really would be like...

My favourite is the dragon. I kind of think it might feel like a blast of heat, or even electrical in nature to be hit by a curse. Then again...the rock hard fist...

Anyway - nice job!

I'll post a new assignment in the next day or so. Hope others come to play as well

[dianella]

NEW WRITING ASSIGNMENT!

OK - here's a chance to practice some humorous writing and to be a little silly! Rita Skeeter is looking for a field writer...that means, you do the writing, she takes the credit. So what you write has to be in her style as if she wrote it herself.

While looking for a good story, you notice the following seemingly innocent - and some not so innocent - things around Hogwarts...

1. Hermione spends a LOT of time in the library. Could she be interested in something more than books?

2. Professor Moody turned a student into a ferret.

3. Neville has just melted his sixth cauldron. No one can be THAT stupid, can they?

4. Argus Filch was taking a qwik spell course...has it done any good? Or maybe you should do an expose' on Qwik Spell...

OR - think of something all on your own! These are just there to help you get started

Well - what are you waiting for?? The Daily Prophet needs stories!!

[Natz]

1. Hermione spends time in the library. Against her will she had to move from the library to go back to the dorm maybe she is waiting for someone she fancies in the library.

Best stand up comedian of the week award goes to Professor Moody turned a student into a ferret. Great moment to see the look of anguish on Hermiones face maybe instead of Harry she is in love with draco give up now hermione it is not just possible for a pure blood to love a mud blood.

3. Neville has just melted his sixth cauldron. Potions teacher snape looks like hes about to melt as well. Neville nearly all muggle got into hogwarts by a freak accidnet as no one with pure blood could melt cauldrons either that or it has to do with the fact that Neviles parents are unable to recognise him

4. Argus Filch exposure is a squib and cannot do magic from an unnamed source saw him with the qwick spell course. Hogwarts students use this opportunity to tease him and steal Miss Noriss now that the truth is out about Argus.Dumbledore should sack him surely you cannot have a squib working in a magic school.

[E Books]

1. Hermione spends a LOT of time in the library. Could she be interested in something more than books?


Hermione Granger highly resourceful and somewhat volatile has recently been noted to be spending a suspiciously lengthy amount of time in the library. Questions have been raised as to her motives. Sources have confirmed that three years ago after she cunningly deceiving our beloved Professor Lockhart Hermione falsified her way into checking out a potion book from the restricted section of the library, then used it to make the extremely dangerous polyjuice potion. Hogwarts has been known for its lack of judgement when securing its students from following the dark arts. Earlier that same year Ms. Granger was seen at Flourish and Blotts in a confrontation with the highly respected Mr. Lucius Malfoy where she stated in a cold vicious tone that she had no fear in calling “You know who” by name. I for one question Dumbledore’s obvious absence in the whole matter. We all are aware of her affair with Victor Krum last year, which had its beginnings in the “quite solitude” of the Hogwarts library. Many of her fellow classmates believe she put him under a love spell. After all these questionable acts has she at last given her true self away and is indeed working to become fluent in the dark arts? We at the Daily Prophet say, yes. Immediate action should be taken, let’s not allow another “You know who” to become powerful under Dumbledore’s supervision again. These acts of such an unscrupulous nature deserve exspelltion.

[dianella]

Oh, E Books, that was just superb! I think the Daily Prophet may be calling you at any moment... Really - it was funny and sooooo in Rita's style. Excellent job!!

[E Books]

4. Argus Filch was taking a qwik spell course...has it done any good? Or maybe you should do an expose' on Qwik Spell...


The Qwik Spell course; is it all it’s swished and flicked up to be? I Rita Skeeter well known for being an unbiased greatly admired member of the Daily Prophet staff went under cover as a magically challenged witch, believe it or not, to see if this highly self-acclaimed course was really satisfaction guaranteed. For 20 gold galleons, more than most squibs can afford, you’ll receive six monthly installments via written instruction and a beginner’s wand. The first letter was full of proclamations from supposed success stories some of them I am closely aquatinted with and was shocked to see they had taken this course since I have not been able to tell any difference in their magical abilities. Also included was simple instruction on how to hold your wand. After lesson one our undercover squib, yours truly, under the name of Ms. Prattle was satisfied with my astute abilities to hold a wand properly, though really I needed no aid in attaining the perfect finger placement. More lessons followed as I was instructed on how to begin each magical attempt with a positive “can do” attitude. After the fourth lesson I was able trickle a diluted version of tea from the end of my wand; I still believe it was only muddy water though the letter assured me it would be “A piping hot cup of your favourite tea”. The next week I could de-feather any nearby chicken, which the staff and I found most useful for farm life living. My cunning suspicions were confirmed when the fifth letter arrived. I was asked to pay another 10 galleons in order to receive the last lesson so I sent in the required amount from my pocket change. The final lesson arrived with instruction on how to look and dress the part of an well-educated witch or wizard. My conclusion of this course is that any self-respecting squib would be better suited to break their own wand in two than spend one gallon on this Qwik Spell course. IF you are willing to ignore my unflawed advice, with a little more practice you could make a good impression in a muggle circus; Houdini was certainly famous with them. I give the Qwik Spell course one out of five wands; it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on.

[dianella]

Oh, again, a great job of writing with wit and style! VERY funny. I would like to take some sections and specifically discuss the good points and some improvements.

My comments are in orange, corrections in red.

Guest-E said:

4. Argus Filch was taking a qwik spell course...has it done any good? Or maybe you should do an expose' on Qwik Spell...

The Qwik Spell course - is it all it’s swished and flicked up to be? I LOVED this statement. So funny. I, Rita Skeeter, well known for being an unbiased, greatly admired member of the Daily Prophet staff, went undercover as a magically challenged witch (believe it or not) to see if this highly self-acclaimed course was really satisfaction guaranteed. For 20 gold galleons, more than most squibs can afford, you’ll receive six monthly installments via written instruction and a beginner’s wand.
new paragraphThe first letter was full of proclamations from supposed success stories - some from squibs I am closely aquainted with -and was shocked to learn they had taken this course, since I have not been able to tell any difference in their magical abilities. Also included was simple instruction on how to hold your wand. After lesson one our undercover squib, yours truly, under the name of Ms. Prattle--LOVE THIS NAME!-- was satisfied with my astute abilities to hold a wand properly, though really I needed no aid in attaining the perfect finger placement. I like the meaning of the sentence, but what doesn't work is using "our undercover squib" with "my astute abilities." A suggestion would be: After lesson one, our undercover squib (yours truly!) could hold a wand perfectly, but, as my finger placement was already superb, Qwik Spell can hardly take credit for this. More lessons followed as I was instructed on how to begin each magical attempt with a positive “can do” attitude. After the fourth lesson I was able trickle a diluted version of tea from the end of my wand; I still believe it was only muddy water though the letter assured me it would be “A piping hot cup of your favourite tea”. The next week I could de-feather any nearby chicken, which the staff and I found most useful for farm life living. My cunning suspicions were confirmed when the fifth letter arrived. I was asked to pay another 10 galleons in order to receive the last lesson so I sent in the required amount from my pocket change. The final lesson arrived with instruction on how to look and dress the part of an well-educated witch or wizard.
new paragraphMy conclusion of this course is that any self-respecting squib would be better suited to break their own wand in two than spend one gallon on this Qwik Spell course. IF you are willing to ignore my unflawed advice, with a little more practice you could make a good impression in a muggle circus; Houdini was certainly famous forthem. I give the Qwik Spell course one out of five wands; it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on. Oh, there's too much I like in the paragraph to even know where to begin. Squibs breaking their wands..."my unflawed advice"...Houdini...1 out of 5 wands...You know, I'm beginning to think you ARE Rita Skeeter...