fico the fur
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Why'd you say "halleluia" if it means nothin' to ya'?
Posts: 964
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Emeric
Apr 21, 2003 20:59:29 GMT -5
Post by fico the fur on Apr 21, 2003 20:59:29 GMT -5
I started a fanfic today. This is the first thing I've written in heaven-knows-how-long. I'm not sure where the plot is going. I only have a vague idea of two or three characters, but it feels good and promising. I'm going to try to write at least a little every day, but that's what I say every time I start a new story.
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fico the fur
Hufflepuff Alumni
Why'd you say "halleluia" if it means nothin' to ya'?
Posts: 964
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Emeric
Apr 21, 2003 21:01:52 GMT -5
Post by fico the fur on Apr 21, 2003 21:01:52 GMT -5
Chapter One.
Emeric pulled a navy blue sweat shirt over his head and swished the flashlight around his room, careful to not let it shine out any windows. He hadn't forgotten anything. He picked up his pack and put it on, then quietly opened his door and crept out. The door clicked closed behind him and he started down the stairs, staying to the side and avoiding the right side of the top step. It creaks. He slunk through the house and unlocked the side door, then stepped outside and closed the door carefully behind him. He made sure the smallest window in the library still opened from the outside, and then Emeric ran down the driveway. He ran across the street, startling a cat. An owl hooted nearby. Emeric slowly walked through the neighbour's yard, not disturbing them. He reached the woods beyond their house and sighed; no lights had turned on. He took his flashlight out of his pocket and trained the light in front of his feet. The moon was bright, but the trees were dense. Emeric noticed a trail, but he didn't follow it. Instead, he just plunged through the woods, occasionally noticing a particular landmark or two. In the bobbing light, the trees looked a wash-out sort of brown, like faded ink. In the distance, Emeric could see a large tree become visible. It was three times as large around as Emeric. He wasn't a very large boy, but he wasn't necessarily small either. Its branches reached out; the lowest branch was at least ten feet from the ground. The bark looked ghostly in the scarce light. Normally a grey-ish color in sunlight, it had become a bleached white. Emeric walked up to the tree and put his hands on it. "Ament," he breathed reverently. "If you had a name, it would be Ament." He lay his cheek against the still-warm trunk and listened. A cool wind blew the leaves above him, causing a few to fall pre-seasonally and making him shiver despite his precautionary clothing. Emeric didn't hear anything else, so he pulled off his pack and took out a blanket and a small, stuffed elephant, putting his flashlight in a front pocket. He curled up against the tree and set the alarm on his digital watch. The wind continued to blow, but Emeric didn't notice it with his blanket over him, his elephant under one arm, and Ament standing solidly behind him.
At five o'clock the next morning, Emeric's watch started to beep at him. It continued to beep for a full seven minutes before he woke up. He rubbed his eyes and made sure his elephant was still with him. Then he got up and packed his things away. He said goodbye to Ament and walked back home, remembering the landmarks from the night before. The sun was barely reaching the horizon, giving the forest the same not-light feeling as the night before. He crept across the neighbour's yard, slunk up his drive, and silently entered his house. He didn't cause one floorboard to creak, and he was asleep in his bed before his father got up for work, the side door locked.
Mrs. Jack Lewis strode into Emeric's room at seven thirty and shook him none-too-gently. "Up, Merrie. Your breakfast is ready and you need to shower before school. You stink of the outdoors." She threw the covers off him and walked out, not closing the door behind her. Emeric groaned in case she was still within hearing distance and then got up. He picked up some clothes from the floor of his closet and dropped them in the middle of his floor, then stumbled downstairs. His older brother, András, was reading the paper their father had left. Emeric sat down and ate the eggs and toast that were at his place. András didn't look up, and Emeric didn't speak. A typical morning.
By the time Emeric had gotten out of the shower, András had left for school, driving his Camaro. Emeric ran to catch the bus, his mother's shout following him out the door. "Come straight home after school. Your room is a disaster!"
Emeric had a typical day at school. The classrooms were full of restlessness and over-warm bodies. The teachers were full of boring facts, half of which he already knew and the other half of which he didn't really care to know. He paid a little bit of attention anyway. Social Studies was fun. They were learning about the different types of land. Like tundra versus rainforest versus desert. He liked learning that. He liked things you could see and handle.
He waited impatiently for lunch and recess. Tundra was all well and good, but he much preferred trees at the moment. It was early spring, and cabin fever was getting into everyone. At recess, Emeric went off by himself with a book and climbed a tree on a far corner of the playground. A few older kids jeered at him, but they mostly left him alone. He took a short nap in the tree, waking when he heard the aide's whistles. He ran with the rest of the children and waited in line for his lunch. Emeric sat alone and ate quickly. He returned his tray and went up to one of the aides. She liked him, and she liked his big eyes even more. He convinced her to let him go to the bathroom even though another boy hadn't returned with the pass. Emeric walked calmly down the hallways with one hand in his pocket and the other holding his book. The adults passing him assumed he held a pass in his pocket, and the children he passed avoided his eyes.
The door to his 6th grade classroom was open. He knocked on the doorjam and walked in. His teacher looked up from her lunch and smiled. "Hello, Emeric. You just so happened to be wandering the halls?" He shrugged and sat down opposite her. "How was your weekend?" Emeric told her about walking through the woods. He didn't mention the time of night or Ament, but Ms. Gazebo understood the presence of the woods. They talked about feeling Big until the other children came in from lunch. Emeric took his seat and ignored the taunts of "teacher's pet" that were whispered when Ms. Gazebo wasn't looking.
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fico the fur
Hufflepuff Alumni
Why'd you say "halleluia" if it means nothin' to ya'?
Posts: 964
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Emeric
Apr 24, 2003 15:49:47 GMT -5
Post by fico the fur on Apr 24, 2003 15:49:47 GMT -5
Emeric's last class, History, ended, and he packed up his things. At the last minute, he decided to catch the bus home. He had been planning on staying to talk with his History teacher and taking the four o'clock late-bus. But he didn't want to get on his mom's bad side just now. Summer was only two months away, and he didn't want to enter his freedom-weeks with any restrictions.
Colin was on the bus, but Emeric didn't feel like talking to him. Instead, he sat in the back near all the popular kids. Colin didn't follow him. Emeric opened his book, and the other kids, who soon grew tired of poking him, went back to talking to each other. At his stop, Emeric closed his book on his finger and walked off the bus, ignoring Colin who tried to catch his eye.
"Emeric? That you?" said his mother when he walked in. She poked her head around the corner of the kitchen. "I want your room clean before dinner. Are you hungry?"
"Starved." He said, dropping his backpack next to the grandfather clock and walking into the kitchen. He climbed onto a stool at the counter. Jess Lewis pushed his hair off his forehead and kissed him on her way to the refrigerator. Emeric winced but didn't pull away.
"How about a toasted roast beef sandwich?"
"Okay."
"How was school?"
"Okay."
Jess rolled her eyes exaggeratedly and flicked him lightly on the arm, kicking the fridge closed. "Okay? What does 'okay' encompass?"
Emeric shrugged and rubbed his arm absentmindedly. "Just okay. It was kind of boring."
"How are your friends doing?"
"James was out sick today."
"Uh-huh." She put the sandwich into the mini-oven and turned it on. "What did you say James' last name was?"
Emeric thought quickly. "Michaels."
Jess came around the counter and turned Emeric to look her in the eye. "What about your other friends?"
He didn't blink. "I played soccer with Lee and Mark at recess. And at lunch, we read from my book, doing all the voices."
"Merrie, why don't you ever invite your friends over?"
Emeric shrugged and looked down at his hands. "They're just school-friends. I'm not really close to any of them."
Jess sighed and put her hand on the back of his neck. Emeric loved when she did that. Her hands were always the right temperature. Cool in summer and warm in winter. "Okay." She played with the hair at the back of his neck for a little bit. "I think you need a haircut pretty soon. You think?" she said, a little over-bright. She went back around the counter and started cleaning up the sandwich things.
Emeric shook his head to test it. "Yeah, pretty soon."
The mini-oven dinged, and he put his sandwich onto a plate. "Thanks, mom." He said, sitting down with a glass of grape juice.
"I'm going to go paint some. Make sure you put your plate in the sink. You can even wash it if you're feeling nice." She gave a bit of a smile. "And I mean it about your room. Your uncle is coming over, and I want the house to look at least a little civilized."
Emeric looked up. "Uncle Eli?"
She smiled genuinely. "Yes, your Uncle Elijah."
"What time is he expected?"
"We're picking him up at the train station at seven o'clock. So if you want to come, your room had better be clean." She ruffled his hair and walked out of the room. Emeric finished his sandwich quickly and ran upstairs. Two hours later, all his clothes were put away, his toys and puzzles were organized on their shelves (with only a few pieces missing), he had made three trips to the kitchen carrying plates and bowls, and his books and papers were in their respective places. His junk drawer in his desk was twice as full as it had been, and he would have to re-organize his papers if he wanted to be able to find anything. But the room looked clean, and that's what mattered.
Emeric stopped by the studio door, but it was still closed. He picked up his backpack and finished his homework in half an hour. Fifteen minutes after that, dinner was on the table. His father had come home by then; Emeric noticed his brief case next to the front door. András wandered in as they were sitting down. The dinner conversation wasn't anything interesting, and Emeric had a hard time concentrating on talking about his friends when all he could think about was Uncle Eli. Dinner was over by 6:15, and Emeric was falling to pieces in excitement. It was a forty minute drive to the station, so everyone scraped their plates and put them in the sink. They would wash them later. They piled into the car and drove to the station.
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fico the fur
Hufflepuff Alumni
Why'd you say "halleluia" if it means nothin' to ya'?
Posts: 964
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Emeric
May 1, 2003 17:02:30 GMT -5
Post by fico the fur on May 1, 2003 17:02:30 GMT -5
Okay, glug. This next bit... I'm trying to give an idea of who Uncle Eli is, because the first paragraph (the first paragraph of this next bit I'm posting) makes him uber-mysterious, and I don't want him to be so uber-. I want him to by mysterious though. So I think the second paragraph could almost be ditched? I really don't know. But I'm having trouble with it, so I figured I would post it up and listen for feedback.Uncle Eli lived in Scotland or somewhere, maybe Ireland. He never really said. Sometimes he would call up and ask if he could visit for a week or two. Other times, he would knock on the front door and say hello, avoiding any questions of how he had gotten there. He never gave more than one week's notice that he would be showing up. He talked about his students sometimes, but no one knew what he taught. He had shockingly dark hair and piercing, grey eyes. No one knew very much about him, but Emeric absolutely loved him. [*edit* this paragraph taken out]Elijah Boot was Jack Lewis' half-brother. Jack's parents had divorced when he was three, and he had lived with his father, who had married again when he was seven. His mother had also re-married. She married an Englishman when he was five and lived half an hour away from him for a good amount of his childhood. As time went on, Jack's stepmother gave birth to three girls, and his mother had two more sons as well as a daughter. She moved to Britain when he was ten. Her husband was apparently rich, for she visited Jack every other month. But the Boots were an overall secretive family, and no one knew where Irving Boot's money came from. Jack's parent's divorce had gone amazingly well. They couldn't live with each other, but they could still have a civilized conversation or two. And they both cared for Jack enough to make the effort. Elinor Lewis Boot would bring her entire family to visit on Thanksgiving and every other year for Easter. Jack and Elijah were inseparable during those holidays. Jack's favourite thing about Eli was how strange things always seemed to happen around him. And Eli's favourite thing about Jack was how he always seemed to have a new idea of what to do. They rarely spoke to each other of what they did when the other wasn't around. But that was the beauty of their relationship. They only had to worry about the here-and-now. Jack grew up and married, having two sons. Eli was a bachelor at the age of thirty-six. [/taken-out-paragraph] "Hello, Jude" were the first words out of Uncle Eli's mouth as he ruffled Emeric's hair. That was what Emeric loved most about his Uncle Eli. He never called Emeric "Emeric", and he rarely called him the same thing twice. Emeric would invent a new person to be every time Eli invented a new name. "Hello Jack, Jess, András." Emeric liked how Eli clumped everyone else together, but he was alone. "Hello, Eli. And how was your trip? Was the weather fine?" said Emeric, imitating his Uncle's English accent. Everyone smiled, even András. Everyone liked to listen to Emeric's imitations. "It was lovely. Just lovely. We saw a fair bit of sun, and no end to glorious sights." Eli replied, broadening his accent as much as possible. "Was it really?" asked Jack, offering to take one of Eli's bags. Eli handed him his carpetbag and picked up his suitcase. "Not in the slightest. It rained half the time, and the wind was so strong, I haven't been that cold since the last snowfall. But I warmed up with a cocoa on the train, and the weather here is much better." "Why were you out in the rain? Didn't you take a plane?" "My, but this is a marvellous piece of work. This your new car, then, Jack?" Eli touched the [some car-person help me out here? ] appraisingly. "I've had my eye on a Ford Anglia for a good bit, but I doubt if the owner will sell it to me. He seems rather attached to it. He fixed it up to his liking and will hardly even let me take a peak at it." "Well, I got this one just four months ago." said Jack, opening the trunk and putting in the carpet bag. He took Eli's suitcase from him and put that in as well. Jess sat in the back with the children, and Jack drove. Emeric didn't say much. He was just happy his Uncle was there, and he listened to Eli's liquid-chocolate voice, concentrating more on how melted he felt than on what the conversation was about. He knew he would be able to talk to Eli later.
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fico the fur
Hufflepuff Alumni
Why'd you say "halleluia" if it means nothin' to ya'?
Posts: 964
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Emeric
May 4, 2003 21:58:26 GMT -5
Post by fico the fur on May 4, 2003 21:58:26 GMT -5
Okay, I had a conference with [Chaia], my mentor. She and I discussed some stuff, and I took out the paragraph that starts "Elijah Boot was Jack Lewis' half brother." I took out the entire paragraph, so ignore that it's there. And today, I wrote some more, so I'm posting that up."Did you eat on the train, Eli, or would you like me to fix you something?" Jess asked as they all walked in the door. "Emeric, please take your uncle's carpetbag up to the guest room. András, take his suitcase?" The boys did as they were told with only a little grumbling, and the adults wandered into the kitchen. "I'd love a bite." Uncle Eli said as Jack indicated a chair and the boys trumped upstairs. Eli sat down and Jack went to the sink where he started washing the dinner dishes. Jess heated up some left-overs from dinner and then packed the rest up into tupperware. András had gone into his room after dropping off Eli's suitcase, his headphones in place and his volume up high. Emeric put the carpetbag on Eli's bed and watched András leave. He looked back at the carpetbag. Uncle Eli brought the most extraordinary things in his carpetbag. Most children looked forward to their birthdays or Christmas for their best presents; Emeric looked forward to visits from Uncle Eli. His fingers were on the zipper. Should he look? He could just take a quick peak. The bag was extremely light, but Eli would bring out the most fabulous presents later on. Emeric knew from experience. His fingers fiddled with the zipper-tab. Emeric had always been a curious child. His worst fault was his insatiable curiosity, which got him in trouble more often than it answered his questions. Eli would never know… he thought to himself as he pulled the zipper down just a little and bent over to see better. A small puff of orange-grey smoke trickled out, the color of street lamps reflected off low-hanging clouds on a grey night. The smoke smelled funny, mysterious, old. Yes, it smelled old, as though the bag hadn't been opened in well over a hundred years, or maybe the smoke hadn't been released for a hundred years. Emeric wrinkled his nose and peaked inside. It was empty. He put in his hands and felt around. There was a bit of cloth, cotton, the bag certainly wasn't made out of that. He looked in again. Nothing. He wrinkled his brow and felt around again, keeping half an eye on the door and half an ear out for creaks on the stairs. There. A book, he was sure of it. He held onto the book and looked inside the bag again. His hand was holding nothing, just plain air. Emeric breathed swiftly out his nose in frustration. What was going on here? András moved in the room next door, knocking something into the guestroom wall. Emeric zipped up the carpetbag and vowed to remember to ask his uncle about it later that night. He left the guestroom, closing the door behind himself. He crept to the stairs and knelt at the railing. He couldn't see into the kitchen, but he could easily hear everything that was said. And if he couldn't see them, he made sure they couldn't see him either. As usual, Eli was asking most of the questions and avoiding any asked about him. But Eli was mainly asking about the boys and about how Jess and Jack were doing, and the Lewis's, like most people, enjoyed talking about their family's accomplishments. "And András also started for the football team in fall." Jess said. "That must have been exciting." Eli said, muffled a little. Emeric guessed he had something in his mouth. "Nerve wracking, more than anything else." Jess replied. "And what about our Emeric?" Eli asked. There was a pause. Emeric could imagine his parents looking at each other before Jack replied. "He's fine. We worry about him a little, but what parents don't worry about their children?" And Emeric imagined Eli looking up from whatever his mother had served him (for some reason, he thought Eli was eating a stew of some sort) and looking at both his parents. Eli's reply interrupted Emeric's imagining of him staring Jack in the eye. "Why are you worried?" Emeric heard a sigh, but he didn't know whose. "We think he might be lying to us about his friends." Jess said. "Really? Why would he do that?" "We don't know." Jess said simply. "He's never been very popular. And he was always a quiet child. But we never expected him to lie to us about something like this." Emeric leaned his temple against the railing. Was it lying if it didn't feel like lying? He had read about children today. That was almost the same as playing with them. And he had imagined what it might be like to play soccer with the rest of the kids. But the other kids didn't like him. They thought he was strange. Some were even afraid of him. And he didn't know why. Sometimes, odd things happened near him. One time, his pencil had fallen on the floor. He leaned over to pick it up, but he couldn't reach it. He kept leaning, but if he leaned much further, he would tip his desk over. There was a new boy in his class, sitting next to him. The new boy hadn't decided Emeric was strange yet. He leaned down to pick up Emeric's pencil for him, but the next thing he knew, his pencil was in his hand, and the new boy was grabbing at only air and linoleum. Emeric sat back in his seat, and the new boy gave him a funny look. They hadn't become friends. And there were other incidents, too. Other reasons the children didn't like to keep his company. "--should have friends?" Emeric had lost the stream of conversation. Eli had just spoken. "We never tried to. But András is so much more popular, being interested in sports. I'm sure he's noticed his brother is different. But we always tried to let them both know we valued them for all their talents." Said Jess. "Maybe you should simply bring it up with Emeric." Eli suggested. "I've tried to hint to him." said Jess, "But I don't want to pressure him. He tries to avoid the issue with me." "He's only twelve, Jess, maybe he doesn't know what you're hinting at." Eli said gently. "Besides, he knows now." "What do you mean?" Jack asked. Eli raised his voice a little, "I'm sure that stair isn't very comfortable, Jude. Why don't you come into the kitchen and sit in a proper chair?" Emeric startled, which rattled the somewhat-loose, metal banister. If he'd had any plans of sneaking upstairs before Uncle Eli came to look for him, they were gone now. He sighed as he stood up and walked into the kitchen. He glared at Eli a little, but Eli made a funny face that made him smile. He could never stay mad at Uncle Eli, but Uncle Eli rarely gave him something to be mad about. Emeric hopped onto the counter, his legs dangling. "You don't want to sit in a chair?" asked his dad. "I don't like being proper." he said quietly, looking at his Uncle. Uncle Eli just laughed, which made Emeric smile again. So I actually have a little more written, but I'm not exactly sure if I want to keep it as it is. I'll look it over a little before posting the next bit.
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Emeric
May 5, 2003 1:19:49 GMT -5
Post by Rue on May 5, 2003 1:19:49 GMT -5
The Unamed [Gol] asked for my thoughts; my thoughts on this story. And I'm tired, and my thoughts are so random I really don't know what their use as editorial comments is, but I'll give it a shot and some detail.
Thought 1: Paragraph about the Ford Anglia- instant thought, "Is Eli Mr. Weasley?" Then figured Eli was a regular muggle and that's why Mr. Weasley wouldn't sell the car to him, but then very definitely decided Eli was a wizard and scanned my brain for anyone in the HP books with the name of Elijah or Eli or the like, but didn't come up with anything.
T2: The paragraph you want to take out should be taken out, imo. It was just confusing and all over the place and I couldn't concentrate on who was who. Eli is just as mysterious without the paragraph, but in a way which doesn't dawdle on that fact, so readers will pick up on it or not depending on their interests in certain characters.
T3: Gen, you know some flashy car names. Even if you (and I) have no idea what they look like, we still hear the names. So it depends on how sporty Jack Lewis is. You could say anything from Camaro, to Mercedes, to Lincoln. How 'bout a Lincoln. *grins mischievously* Or a Concorde.
T4: A Ford Anglia is not a very flashy car. If Eli is admiring Jack's car which he just bought 4 months ago, then makes a comment about looking into a Ford Anglia, Jack might be a bit surprised. Or you could throw something in about Eli knowing Jack went for (adjective) cars when he set eyes on Jack's new one, which he admires but isn't his style. Or vice versa.
T5: Technically, Eli drew attention to Jack's car because he was evading the question asked him, so maybe Jack should be the one to think slight weirdnesses about the car Eli was looking into, but, eh, you think it out.
T6: You might have mentioned this, you might not have. Where do they live?
T7: You might want to answer this, you might not want to. Why isn't Emeric in Hogwarts yet if he's already twelve? Does he live in America?
T8: When Eli drew attention to Emeric listening in to their conversation, I got a moody flashback and wondered briefly if Eli were Moody, but I doubt it very much, just, it seemed like that was already used in a way.
T9: If you have something written which you're not sure about using, you can still post it so I can have a chance to save it in case it's perfect for the story.
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fico the fur
Hufflepuff Alumni
Why'd you say "halleluia" if it means nothin' to ya'?
Posts: 964
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Emeric
May 7, 2003 8:13:07 GMT -5
Post by fico the fur on May 7, 2003 8:13:07 GMT -5
T2. Thanks. Yeah, [Chaia] says I should put it in later, sporadically, through dialogue. Like, allude to it, so people can pick up on the situation, but don't list it out like I first tried.
T3. *slight frown* Yeah, but I want it to actually work, you know? Like, flashy enough that it would actually be worth commenting on, you know?
T4&T5: That's a very good point, I'll think about it and see what I can do.
T6: Nope, didn't mention it.
T7: I'll be getting to that really soon. Besides, why do you think it's Emeric who's going to Hogwarts?
T8: Did it seem, like, used in a bad way? Or did it just remind you?
T9: Dork. I save all my rough drafts anyway.
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fico the fur
Hufflepuff Alumni
Why'd you say "halleluia" if it means nothin' to ya'?
Posts: 964
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Emeric
May 9, 2003 1:30:43 GMT -5
Post by fico the fur on May 9, 2003 1:30:43 GMT -5
"How much did you overhear?" asked his father, all business. Eli stopped laughing, and Emeric certainly stopped smiling. His father did not approve of eavesdropping.
Emeric looked at his knees, which were bending the cloth of his pants as he swung his legs a little. "Nothing too much." Which was technically true. He hadn't been listening the whole time, after all, and he hadn't sat there for very long. His father grunted questioningly, his arms across his chest. Emeric sighed. "Just that you think I'm lying to you."
"Are you lying to us?" asked Jack.
Emeric looked up. "What's your definition of 'lie'?"
"Don't be a smart aleck." said his father. "Your mother and I are both upset about this. Are you lying to us?"
Uncle Eli was playing with a handkerchief he had taken from his pocket, not looking at Emeric. But Jess was doing the looking for him. There was a crease between her brows, the same crease that appeared on Emeric's forehead when he was confused, and her mouth was turned down a little at the edges.
Emeric shrugged uncomfortably, looking at his knees again. "Maybe." he mumbled. Jack waited. "Yes." Emeric said, keeping his head down.
"Why, Merrie?" Jess asked him. Her voice was full of emotion, though Emeric wasn't sure what, and the crease between her eyebrows was more pronounced. "Why did you lie to us?"
Emeric shrugged again, still not looking up. "The other kids don't like me, mom."
"They don't understand you." Everyone looked at Uncle Eli, who had spoken. "Jack, Jess, would you mind if I spoke with Emeric for a little bit?" They were surprised. Uncle Eli wasn't around very often, but he usually shied away from family affairs. He didn't think it his place, since he didn't know them all very well. "It will only take me a moment."
"Eli, what's this about?" Jack sounded mainly curious, but there was a hint of suspicion in his voice.
"Nothing that I want to talk about if I'm wrong." Jack and Jess looked at each other, somewhat nervous. "I'm not going to hurt the boy, for goodness sake."
"All right." Jess said, not taking her eyes off Jack. Jack sighed. "All right," he agreed. They left the room.
Eli waited for them to walk away, into the living room, and then he called Emeric to his side. Emeric hopped down from the counter and went over to his Uncle. He had watched the proceedings curiously, and he wanted to know what Uncle Eli was up to. Eli turned him to his side, so they were standing next to each other. "Stand like that."
"What's this about, Uncle?"
"Hush. No questions just yet."
"But Uncle E—"
"Hush, I said. Now take this." He pulled a thin stick out from somewhere, Emeric couldn't see. The stick was about ten inches, and very smooth, obviously sanded at some point. It was a little battered, the same way a pair of favourite shoes is battered after six months' use.
Emeric took the piece of wood from his Uncle, looking curious and impatient. "What's this about, now?" he asked again, his annoyance showing in his voice. "And what's this for?" Emeric waved his hand, the one holding the stick.
Eli looked at him closely. "Do that again."
"Do what again?" Emeric was clearly annoyed now. He had never been very patient, and he did not like doing things unless he knew what his actions meant.
"Wave it again."
Emeric sighed and thought a moment. "Do you promise to tell me what this is about, even if you don't see what you think you'll see?"
Eli thought about that. "Fine. But only if you agree not to tell anyone else."
"Agreed. Now, what do you want me to do?"
"Just shake it a bit."
Emeric looked at his Uncle askance. "Remember, you promised." And he looked at his hand, his fingers curled lightly around the stick. He gripped a piece of his bottom lip in his teeth and lifted the stick up a little. He gave it a schwoopy kind of swirl and gasped when a wisp of smoke furled out of the end of it. "Uncle…" Emeric licked his lips, staring at the dissipating smoke. "Uncle, what's going on here?" But Uncle Eli was too busy smiling to answer. [/Chapter1]
So that last scene, the one with Eli and Emeric, I'm not so sure I wrote that properly. I think I got across what I wanted to get across, but I don't think I like how I did it. Almost as if I tried to get the audience curious and failed because everyone knew what I was trying to do. So if anyone gives feedback, I would really like some on that last scene, as well as whatever else you think.
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