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Post by KoNeko on Aug 28, 2004 21:48:52 GMT -5
The Chocolate Frog
KoNekoAge: Oh, do I really have to say? 23Word count: 2010
Quietly, it sat in the pentagonal packet. The rich scent of cocoa and cream blended into a molten fusion of warmth and pleasure. Inviting aromas of happiness, of familiarity, of children playing. Senses melting, mixing, swirling into a velvety oblivion at its very core. Chocolate.
Valentines Day. Neville ran down the stairs. His feet slapped against the hard stone floor as he puffed his way towards the Great Hall. He was about to miss breakfast. And if he missed breakfast, he would be late to class. What was it? Transfiguration. Oh no. McGonagall would have his head. He could just imagine her now, her lips drawn into a taut line of disapproval as she reprimanded him for his tardiness in the presence of the entire class.
Neville scrunched his eyes shut at the thought and willed his legs to move faster. Faster down the stairs towards the Great Hall. The weather was cold outside, still winter, but his cheeks were flushed from the effort. Strands of brown hair flopped weakly against his forehead. Why, oh why, did Gryffindor Tower have to be so far away from breakfast? He was panting. His limbs felt like they were on fire. Neville took the last few steps two at a time and arrived, breathless, in front of the sullen wooden doors.
The doors creaked open and he scurried inside. The hall was a mass of movement and sound. Pink and white petals floated gently from the roof, resembling a velvety snow. A tide of chatter melted and gave way to the clink and clatter of golden cutlery upon golden plate. The swish of robes as friends scooted over to provide more room. Sounds of chomping, chewing, laughing. Neville spotted a batch of fresh toast appearing on the Ravenclaw table and it was promptly tucked into. The rasping of a knife spreading globs of warm, golden butter reverberated in his stomach's growling. He turned and headed towards the Gryffindor table, searching for someone to sit with.
But not so fast. Someone had been watching him since he entered the hall. Neville quickly averted his eyes but he knew he was caught. Smiling angelically at him and flanked by his cronies was Draco Malfoy.
"Hey, Longbottom!"
Neville fiddled nervously with the cuff on his shirt and pretended not to hear.
"Oi! Longbottom! I'm talking to you!"
There was nothing he could do now. Neville looked sombrely at the approaching Slytherins. Draco. Crabbe and Goyle. Pansy Parkinson. They had always given him trouble and he knew that if he didn't at least acknowledge them then they would make his life even more miserable. Steeling himself, he tried to appear defiant.
"Wh-wh-what do you want?"
Goyle's gorilla brow furrowed as he struggled to articulate what it was that they wanted, but Draco cut in.
"What are you talking about? You don't have anything that I want, anyway. Maybe I just wanted to wish you a happy Valentines Day. I can do that, can't I?"
As if on cue, the other Slytherins snickered. Neville eyed them suspiciously. Didn't they ever think for themselves? They must have had some hidden agenda. Maybe they were going to get him for fighting back last time they tried to pick on him. It sounded paranoid, but he wouldn't put it past them. But he didn't want to fight here, especially on an empty stomach. All he needed was to defuse the situation.
But, before he could come up with a witty retort-
"Oh, shut it Malfoy! Leave him alone!"
Ginny Weasley. Draco scowled at her as she approached. Then he leaned close to Neville, until their faces were only centimetres apart and sneered.
"See you in class, Longbottom."
And with that, he violently pushed Neville to the floor as his buddies laughed. Draco waved farewell before he and the gang of Slytherins left.
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Post by KoNeko on Aug 28, 2004 21:55:12 GMT -5
Neville lay on his back as the Ravenclaw students peered curiously at him from their table. He felt their hands pulling him up and saw Ginny looking worriedly at him.
"Are you alright?" she asked.
Neville's mouth was dry, but he felt a "yes" croak from his lips.
Ginny offered her hand. "Don't worry, they're just jerks. It's awful, the way he picks on you like that." Then, she smiled at him. "Here, I don't know where Harry and Ron are, but you can come and sit with me."
Neville nodded. He knew he was being bullied. He had endured the taunts and the leers. But it wasn't just the punches and the bruises. Without his friends, Neville felt completely isolated in his personal psychological torture administered by Draco. He never knew when they were going to strike. He had tried to fight back, it was true. He hated the punishments he received for his retaliation the most. There was no point in trying. He knew he couldn't win. They made sure of that. Every time he tried, they just would crush him more.
He exhaled and took Ginny's hand. She guided him towards an empty section of the table, placing herself across from him. As he surveyed the offerings he was reminded that he needed to tame the growling beast in his stomach. Neville helped himself to the toast, eggs and sausages that were in front of him. He was just about to pour a glass of pumpkin juice when the owls arrived.
It was just one or two at first, and then five, and then ten, and then hundreds. A whole host of owls swooping, swarming, flapping over their heads and weaving in and out between them. Snowy white, mottled grey and tawny golden wings glinted in amongst the sea of black robes. And flashes of red. There were a lot of red parcels, red cards, red ribbons tying up boxes today. And wherever such a flash of red would plunge towards the table, eager hands were ready to reach up and clutch it.
Shouts of joy swept over Neville. Exclamations of surprise as secret admirers were revealed. Neville took a bite out of his toast and glanced over at Ginny. She was busy talking to a girl from her year that had received a box of chocolates, and didn't seem to notice him. He wondered if he would get anything. He wondered if she had sent him anything. He wondered...
Clunk.
A white box. Neville's heart climbed out of his chest and into his throat. A rather large white box had dropped right in front of him. It was tied up with a red ribbon. Neville looked over at Ginny again. She was staring at the box now with - was that a hint of jealousy in her eyes? He felt a bit guilty but then a tingle of excitement began to grow in his belly. Someone had sent him a valentine. It made him smile. The hunger that had gnawed at him earlier was now gone, and replaced by a nervous curiosity. He wondered who it was from. Someone sent him a gift. He touched the silken bow as if he had to confirm it was real. Neville looked around to make sure that he hadn't mistakenly taken someone else's mail, but the adjacent students on the table were looking at him now. He checked for a card. There was none.
But it didn't matter, because someone had sent him a valentine. The thought raced through his head and forced his mouth muscles upwards into a grin. He had a secret admirer!
The word spread along the table. Some of the other Gryffindor students nearby were staring at him to see what he had received, urging him to open the box, craning their necks to satiate their interest. Perhaps his secret admirer was watching him to see his reaction when he opened the box. Neville glanced around again. There were still several students along the table. He wondered if it was any of them. Or perhaps it was one of those Ravenclaws - they had seemed quite eager to help him up...
Unable to wait any longer, he tugged impatiently at the shiny ribbon. It slipped easily out of the knot that held it. Neville smiled and put it in his pocket as the other students eagerly egged him on. They clapped him on the back and jostled him in the joking way that only friends can. He grinned and lapped it up. It was going to be his day after all. His fingertips danced lightly across the top of the box, feeling how heavy the cardboard was. He ran his finger around the underside of the lid and prised it open.
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Post by KoNeko on Aug 28, 2004 21:59:06 GMT -5
The rich, heady fragrance of chocolate wafted out and permeated the air around him, toying with his senses. It was a warm scent, delectable and more luxurious than anything he had ever smelt before. Neville looked across the table. Ginny, eyes darkened, seemed to be peering as curiously as the others at the box. A twinge of guilt nipped at him again but it was drowned by the overwhelming excitement of anticipation. What had this mystery admirer sent him? He inhaled the lingering scent of the chocolate deeply, letting it flow into his lungs, his veins...
Neville opened his eyes and looked in the box. There was a lot of red tissue paper, and nestled gently within was a large five-sided package. It was bigger than one that ordinarily contained a regular chocolate frog, and when he picked it up, it felt heavier as well. Maybe it was one of those special deluxe frogs that were sold for Valentines Day. It would explain the heavenly aroma. He had seen these frogs before in Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley. They were perfect, with the sheen of creamy chocolate glinting over musculature and perfectly formed limbs. Perfect. Neville found himself wondering how much they cost. Who could have sent this to him?
A sharp prod from a nearby student dragged his unwilling mind back to the Great Hall. The other Gryffindor students were murmuring amongst themselves, their patience waning as their anticipation grew. The murmur swelled and rose into a chorus of "Go on, open it!" and "Well, what are you waiting for?" before Neville beamed modestly again at the attention and lifted the flap on the frog's cardboard prison.
He should have known something was wrong when the frog didn't hop gracefully out of the box as he expected. Neville opened the flap a bit wider and shook the box with the open end downwards.
A slightly chocolate-stained scrap of card fluttered onto the floor. And then... out slid a limp and chocolate-coated body of a frog unlike one he had ever seen. The fat limbs were horribly twisted and lifeless. Unseeing eyes protruded from the bulbous head. A long chocolate covered tongue lolled witlessly out of the gaping mouth. But worst of all, the slick shine on the back of the frog was broken up by the pebbly, blistered texture of the skin. It was no frog. It was a toad. It was Trevor.
Almost instantly, Neville dropped the box in horror. Ginny gasped. A stunned silence swept fiercely across the table as the hideous image was taken in by the students. Those that were still eating dropped their cutlery with a sharp clang. Many of them quietly excused themselves and crept away to their classes. Neville's eyes watered. His lip trembled. He fought his climbing revulsion and swallowed hard. He could feel the sweat crawling down his back like lice. Please, just let this be a joke. Oh please. Just a joke. Please. Choking for air, he blinked back tears. The image of the dead toad swam crazily before him and he retched.
Neville felt the bile burn his throat as he wiped his eyes. Coughing, he spotted the card that had been in the box. It had fallen under the table. He extracted it, but his hands shook uncontrollably as he turned it over.
Happy Valentines Day.
In an instant he knew. There was no point in trying. He couldn't win.
The End
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Post by hermoine on Aug 29, 2004 9:10:53 GMT -5
Wonderful oh wonderful Slyths here on TD, excuse what I'm going to say right now.
Why those EVIL Slytherins how dare they do that to Neville? What do they think they are? Some heroes who go around killing toads? Why I oughta-! JK was right. Never go for the bad guy. They don't even have feelings. Inhumane! I wish something bad happened to them, something really bad. Then I'd laugh! Yes! Then I'd laughed heartily!
Okay, rant over! Just ignore that okay?
Ko, it was so lovely! I loved every part of it! Well, except the fact that poor Neville is always the underdog. But it was so well written. Ah! You're such an excellent writer! Well done!
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Post by KoNeko on Aug 29, 2004 9:43:45 GMT -5
Thanks Herm. It's alright, Neville is the victim of bullying, and kids are cruel. I wanted you to be outraged at the cruelty and violence.
(Um, for the record, I don't intend to offend any of the Slyths on TD! Just think of this as a really, really evil plot, okay? )
Glad you liked it, Herm.
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Post by Lianne on Aug 29, 2004 11:24:42 GMT -5
i absolutely loved it, especially the openign paragraph, it had me drooling lol!!
i just wanted o hug poor Neville, excellent job
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Post by moira on Aug 29, 2004 13:05:23 GMT -5
*grins* I like the internal dialogue that you added in, especially Neville's feelings of being bullied and such. I really like how the twist is something you don't see coming, so it's a complete shock, and you feel how Neville does, finding it out at the same time as him.
I agree, your descriptions of chocolate make the mouth drool! I loved your descriptive words. Great Job!
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Post by RainFrost on Aug 29, 2004 21:21:34 GMT -5
Awww, poor Neville. You did such a great job descibing everything and adding so much feeling that my heart cries out for him. Those bad bad Slytherins.
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Post by KoNeko on Aug 30, 2004 4:41:57 GMT -5
*laughs* Yeah, uh, I did a lot of um, "research" for that opening paragraph. ;D
Thanks Li, Smiles and Rain for your comments. Smiles, yeah, I wanted the cruel twist at the end in such a way that it is a twist for Neville, and, above that, there is a twist for the reader. I'm really glad you picked up on that!
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Post by Sphi on Sept 4, 2004 15:20:34 GMT -5
What a disturbing story. It definitely didn't end the way I thought it would (I wasn't necessarily expecting something romantic, but I would never have guessed it would be something so disgusting), which just goes to show how well you set up the twist.
Your writing style is really cool, too. Nice use of asyndeton.
Good job, Neko.
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Post by KoNeko on Sept 4, 2004 23:14:39 GMT -5
Thanks, Sphi, I think! Well, you know that I like twisty endings and stuff, and I've never actually attempted a disturbing twist, so the fact you found it disturbing and unexpected is kind of... satisfying, from a writer's point of view.
Hahaha, I didn't realise that asyndetons actually had a term for them...
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Post by Sphi on Sept 4, 2004 23:29:14 GMT -5
Yeah, I totally meant it as a compliment. I realize that it probably didn't sound like one, but that's only because I had just finished the story and I was still quite disgusted by what happened at the ending. You're right, though; you should be proud of your disturbing twist of an ending.
Hehe! I just learned about them last year, and as pompous as it sounds, I love that I can recognize all those different techniques.
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Post by zarafenolen on Dec 22, 2004 10:01:08 GMT -5
wow. thats and amazing story. Brillantly writen and a very sick twist! i loved it
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Post by KoNeko on Dec 28, 2004 4:33:02 GMT -5
*grins* Thanks Fen, I'm really glad you like it! (For the record I'm not always that sick and twisted. ) Maybe it will inspire you to enter next year's TDSC?
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Post by zarafenolen on Dec 28, 2004 15:24:16 GMT -5
definatly. If i had known about this place sooner i would definatly been involved in this one. I can't wait till next years (oo i had best get some practise! lol)
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