--est thing you've heard today?

[KoNeko]

Most ridiculously ridiculous thing I've heard all day:

Spencer: I'm starving and I can't afford to buy any food
Me: I'll buy you a cheeseburger if you're really that hungry.
Spencer: What, you'll make me a cheeseburger?
Me: Hell no, I'm a freegan.
Spencer: [Ko]'s going to wear an apron and make me a cheeseburger!!!

(I slapped him.)

[Sphi]

hehe...playfully, I hope.

Funniest thing:

"I, like, got kicked out of my family for saying 'soda.' 'You say pop.'" -- my TA

[nancy]

Funniest (and most Misuderstood) thing I heard yesterday:

Me: So why are logarithms so easy now when they were impossible a year ago?
Maths teacher: Because you are a lot more mature.
My friend: Mathematically speaking...

[hermoine]

Funniest (and most shameful I guess) thing to say:

- "Mr. Chairman, imagine if you were a virgin..."

The only problem being that the Chairman is in fact a priest.


Edit:

And I've just remembered another one:

- "Condoms are like toilet paper, you have to have them around." (I think that was actually part of a campaign in France as regards to sexual health and the like).

[hermoine]

Funniest thing I heard today:

- "Plato, Shakespeare, Mozart, Dun Karm (Maltese poet); they all had one thing in common...they all went to the bathroom"


It was for an advert for bathrooms in case you're wondering.

[vinny]

two funny things i heard today:

from futurama:
"don’t let the door hit you on the way out…I don’t want ass prints on my new door!"

and from...i dunno where:
"Friends are like potatoes: when you eat them, they die."

and, in reply to cherry's quote: "if i flush, will you go away?"(aimed at the quote, not our darling cherry)

[superstitious13]

the funiest/most ridiculous thing i heard today:

So I'm having lunch with my friends Erin, Miranda and Amanda. Erin is recounting a particularly bawdy incident from a party a week or so ago that she and Miranda went to. When Erin got to a part of the story that Miranda didn't want told, Miranda holds up a chicken nugget and says "Shut up or I'll throw this chicken at you!" Well Amanda, who was daydreamig this whole time, pipes up with "Chicken? A whole chicken? Wouldn't that, like, kill you?"

We all just kinda turned and looked at her like 'What?' and started laughing.

[Pkia]

My favourite quote that I've come across today: "Polite people are not supposed to remember the reaction when Kennedy tried to organize collective action against Cuba in 1961: Mexico could not go along, a diplomat explained, because 'if we publicly declare that Cuba is a threat to our security, forty million Mexicans will die laughing"

Hehe

[nancy]

Heh, I love that one. I'd heard it before, in history class at some point in the past two years.

Best thing I heard... er, yesterday... was I apparently made the german V group, which is awesome because it means my schedule looks normal. well sort of, but yeah, german III is at 8 am and I had to move too many things around...! and with this class, I start at 9 am on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. So I get to laze around on mornings.

and
most exciting thing I heard today:
The strokes are coming! Oh! My! God! The strokes! Here! Where I live! I'm so excited I could jump up and down like a silly 14 year old would if she heard some boy liked her!


...also, apparently I'll be given driving freedoms before my next birthday.
which rocks.


and most ego-inflating thing i heard today:
my friend liked these two stories i wrote and was really insecure about. she said they were pretty good, which was pretty good.

[KoNeko]

So my buddy Nick and I are talking about dogs and saving money and stuff, and then I present this argument which I have been tinkering with for a while:

Me: Hey, do you remember what you ate when you were two years old?
Nick: Er... no, I don't think anyone does.
Me: Well, you know how people are always complaining about how much it costs to raise children and whatnot, well, what would happen if you just feed your babies a slurry of dog food when they're really young and can't remember what they are eating?
Nick: *thinks* Well, they'd have shiny coats...

[vinny]

in the 6th form common room during a free lesson today:
a guy...andy, stood up and tried to walk out between everybody and their stuff(our group always sits in the corner, so its a job to get to and from chairs) anyways.. while walking off he hitched up his jeans and says "im going outside for a bit, look after my shoes"...

[Pkia]

I suppose this could be classified as the "nicest" thing I've heard today. It just made me smile when I passed the sign on the bus:

We were put on this earth to love and to be loved.

[KoNeko]

Oh, that really is nice.

And now I'm going to follow that up with a stupid one.

So, when we moved into the house, we found a random crucifix in one of the rooms, on the windowsill. It's been there for 2 months, and today Nick and I found it on the ground in the yard outside the window. It seems that someone took it out of the room to throw away or something, and it kind of missed the wheelie trash bin that we have and just landed on the ground in the yard. So Nick sees it and says, "Geez, if you're going to be a martyr you're not supposed to commit suicide. That's not part of the deal." Hahahaha. I think we are both going to hell, if such place exists.

[Me]

So I have some silly, funny ones.

Monika: We're all going to die!
Danica: Not unless we all make out with each other.

Then there was the time my friend Danica and I were determined to finish the newpaper crossword puzzle.
Monika: Are you guys almost done?
Me: We just have one more
Danica: Yeah, we just need the middle of the word. We have cock and we have a weenie but we don't know what goes in-between. (Cocktail weenie)

[Calavera Diablos]

A few "funniest" snippets from my crazy adventure in Portland

Me: Wow. Did we drink all the rum and the whiskey last night?
Jukebox: Let me think about that... Yes. I'm getting an angry letter from my liver.

[In the truck]
Leafy: Oh look, he wants to race.
Me: Uh, don't we still have those wooden palettes stacked in the bed?
Leafy: ... Well, if those fly out and hit anyone, it was their fault for standing there.
Me: That'll be fun explaining to the police.

[Clearly at the wrong bar for Open Mic night]
Jukebox: She's really hot.
Me: Yeah, I thought about hitting on her before I heard her talking smack about you while you were playing.
Jukebox: Pfft. What a dog, she can't even sing.
Me: Maybe she could if singing encompassed flipping your hair and slapping your knee alot.

[At another Open Mic in a better bar]
Dude: Stop playing, Jukebox. Your guitar is like a mating call for all the underage girls within a 30 mile radius.
Me: You know they all have fake I.D.s, you'll never be safe!

[After an enlightening discussion]
Me: Why is it that whenever I talk to people about Beat poetry, it segues into threesomes or something of that nature? Did Kerouac ever feel this way? Maybe Ginsberg did.
Jukebox: That's because Ginsberg was always infatuated with someone he couldn't have.
Me: Yeah, he was always whining about unrequited love for Lucian, then Kerouac. Then Burroughs started whining about his unrequited love for Ginsberg.
Amos: Sounds like something from Jerry Springer.