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Post by d on Aug 5, 2004 16:08:44 GMT -5
Well, I definitely think he likes you too because his knowing that you like him would normally drive him away if he didn't have similar feelings in return. Maybe you two need to talk and find out what's blocking him.
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Post by Will on Sept 6, 2004 1:15:09 GMT -5
Help me, Father, for I have sinned… -cough-
…
Anyway, I just needed to lift this off my chest and I didn’t think starting a new tread was necessary.
I’ve been incredibly selfish at home. I haven’t been thinking about any of my family members… how they are fairing and such. All my thoughts and concerns are of myself. Heh, and you doubt my Slytherin-ness? Piffle. I haven’t really been looking out for my youngest sister, showing her the right way to do things. ((I’ve only been telling her and that’s not good enough.)) I’ve also been rather sneaky lately. I’ve found ways to avoid or ‘walk around’ the things my parents ask me to do… I don’t think I’ve been treating my father with respect… and I haven’t been talking to my mother. She wants me to talk to her.
A serious problem I have is picking out the many flaws everyone has. I see these flaws and I use it to fuel my anger/annoyance. Now that I hate everyone, I distance myself from everyone… Therefore the people I’m closest with end up drifting far, far away. This can’t be healthy.
Then when I finally do start thinking about these people, especially my mother, a giant load of guilt falls on me. It’s fantastic, really. The guilt, I mean. It makes my chest tighten up in this knot and boy, is that a lovely feeling. –sarcasm, sarcasm- Then I go on thinking the ‘what if’s’. What if some freak accident were to occur and my mother is suddenly dead and I never got to make her happy because I never talked to her. This just makes me feel ten times worse.
Of course I would then try to patch things up. Play with my sister, subdue my attitude and chat with my mom… But an imbecile like me would never learn. So I’m sitting in my room again, distancing myself with the rest of the family, repeating the previous mistakes. I’m a selfish bastard, but I’m not doing anything about it.
I really should.
I might not get another chance to prove myself.
Damn it all.
Starting tomorrow?
…
-sigh-
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Post by nancy on Sept 6, 2004 16:30:29 GMT -5
We all do stuff like that sometimes... Just remember you're not perfect, so you can't expect your family to be.
and now, my turn... I've been thinking a lot lately, and I always put my friends' problems above mine. Like, I might be tyring to solve a problem I have, that's really important to me, but if one of my friends comes with a problem, I put mine down and help him out, and if another one comes, I bury my problems so I can help both of them at the same time. There wouldn't be anything wrong with it, but lately I (and most of my friends) have been under a lot of stress, and I'm the one taking most of it, because I've been hiding most of my problems and negative feelings from everyone while trying to help out my friends. Because I also want them to help me, and they do, but not when we're all going through something. Then I try to help out everyone at the same time and keep my problems for later when everything's ok, but I'm such a good friend to everyone that right now it seems like "later" might never come, and it puts me undr a lot of stress to be everyone's best friend. But my friends are one of, if not the most important thing I have, and I can't stand to see them down. And normally I have no problem helping out. But now everyone's having problems at the same time and I'm going to go mad, but... If I can't help them, then who can? I'm the funny, positive one. I'm the one that makes fun of failed classes and fights with parents and arguments with friends, and then gives a nice little piece of advice. Which usually works. I just want to help them all without feeling so attached, which is exactly the problem, because I feel as if their problems were also mine, and that's no good. On a typical school day, I have 4 or 5 times as many problems as I should. But to not be attached, then I'd have to not be their friendm and I'd end up being like some crazy psychologist person. And my friends are important. So I'm in a pretty stuck position.
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Calantha
Gryffindor Alumni
My name is Luck, this is my song, I happened by when you were gone
Posts: 4,493
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Post by Calantha on Sept 8, 2004 18:15:12 GMT -5
Willow, I think that's really normal for teens to do. I do'nt know, sometimes I know that I think I'm selfish when really I'm just trying to look out for myself. That isn't selfishness, that's dealing with my own stuff....and there is a huge difference. So dear, if you're worried that maybe you're not treating your family with enough respect, or you're pushing people away, maybe there is a reason? Are you secretly angry at something and you just haven't realized it yet? Or maybe you're just going through a "I need Willow only time" which isn't bad if you learn how to deal with needing Willow time without pushing people away. You're at a stressful time in your life (for most people at least) and I think what you're going through is something a lot of people have to go through, you know? You'll figure it out. And things will work themselves out as well. Nancy, I have a tendancy to put friends' problems above my own as well. It isn't always fun, is it? Especially when you have a problem of your own that you have to deal with...I know for me I often feel like my problems aren't as important or if I do look at them, I often I trouble finding the same soultions I would give to another person....it's a tough situation to be in. So first off, you should be commended for helping your friends with their problems. Go you! It takes a lot of energy to help people and not everyone can do it, in fact, a lot of people can't. But with everything, it just seems like you need a little bit of moderation. Yes, be there for them, but you don't have to be their only source for help. Talk to them, but try not to burden yourself with every little problem. You come number one, take care of yourself and you'll have more time and effot to take care of others. I know that probably sounds easy, but from experience, you can't run yourself down with other people's problems...you know...you gotta take care of you because you'll have a breaking point eventually, or at least I do, because I am so exhausted with trying to help. But go you, it sounds like you are a wonderful friend, they must be very glad to have you!
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Post by nancy on Sept 8, 2004 19:29:23 GMT -5
Thanks Cala... I guess I'm gonna do that, but you're right, it isn't always that easy... And I just needed to vent really, and if I vented to one of them they'd never speak to me about anything important again, so I didn't know what to do. I guess they're glad we're friends. Usually I'm very cynical, but when anyone has a problem I try to stop it and just... be there... Couple of hours after I wrote that, I realized my friends will always be there for me too, so that made me feel very well. It was like an instant upper, one of them just started telling me how special I was and stuff... I suppose I sounded depressed because I didn't say anything... but she said she was thankful because I always listened. And understood. And she made me feel special.... But... I dunno... their problems are important... It's not like I hate myself and won't take care of my own, but I think it's important to just be there and lend an ear or a shoulder or a hand. You never know what's going to happen. You never know what someone might do or think when they're all alone and feeling lonely... During the summer, when I went off on my 3-week long trip, one of my friends had surgery and broke up in a not so nice way with her boyfriend. And that just made it seem even more important for me to be always there. So yeah. Nice to know I'm not the only one who does that too... and thanks again.
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Post by Lianne on Oct 29, 2004 0:50:04 GMT -5
I've been bad....
My friend and her boyfriend of like 2 years have been fighting alot. and i introduced her to y new friend and they both clicked
and she is breaking up with her boyfriend.
but she is totally happy about it
was this bad of me
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Post by KoNeko on Oct 29, 2004 3:30:19 GMT -5
From a relatively objective perspective, I don't think that this is of any fault of your own. I mean, you didn't introduce them for the purposes of them getting together or her being attracted to him or whatever, right? These things just happen. I don't know what the (so to be ex) boyfriend would think about it, but as long as you didn't do it with the intention of breaking them up, then there is nothing to feel bad about.
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Post by d on Oct 29, 2004 7:47:08 GMT -5
Ko's right. You can't control the emotions felt by other people. The fact that they clicked had nothing to do with you.
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Post by Lianne on Nov 4, 2004 20:20:18 GMT -5
haha well i knew she was breaking up with her boyfriend she was talking about it and once she said she was for sure going to i set them up to get them together
but they are together now
its cool, she is finally happy
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Post by d on Nov 4, 2004 23:03:09 GMT -5
You still didn't do anything really wrong. If you had done it to break the original couple up on purpose, that would be one thing, but that's not what happened. Your conscience can be clear as far as I'm concerned
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Post by zarafenolen on Dec 12, 2004 10:45:07 GMT -5
Definatly Lianne, you did nothing wrong and now that they are both happy just hope her x can move on and be ok aswell!
Nancy, i know what you mean. Its so much easyer to burry yourself in everyone elses's problems than face your own, but eventualy that will only make lafe so much harder for you. If you friends can rant at you, you can rant at them for sure. You should get together with your mates and have a whole problem-sharing thing. Like a sleep over. Watch rubbish chick-flicks, eat ice cream till you pop and rant about everything in the world! ;D
Now for my problem.....
Dear Trapdooriens, i am a sinner!
I keep putting my friends above my family, and i don't know why. I go out with my friends instead of family, i skip family meals to be with them and if i can't get to them in person i go on the computore and talk to them. I feel i should give my family more time, but my friends meen the world to me aswell. less than 6 munths ago we all went to school together and we saw each other everyday. Now i'm lucky if i see them once a week, so i'm always desprate to drop everything and be with them. Should i learn how to say no to them?
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Post by KoNeko on Dec 12, 2004 18:51:25 GMT -5
Hmmm, I'm probably not the best person to talk to about the friend/family divide (seeing as I don't live with my parents and I only see them like, once a year ) but when I was younger I went through that as well.
And yes, although it sounds like you already have an answer to your question, I think that in the end there will become a point when you do have to learn to say no to your friends. If not, then your relationship with your family might suffer, and families are those weird things that can go off at you quite irrationally sometimes, so to prevent that from happening, do spend some time with them. I mean, if you live at home you see your family members every day, but how well do you actually know them? Would you hang out with them like the way you hang out with your friends?
Spend some time with your family. They'll appreciate it, and your friends will understand as well. Besides, I know the transition after school is one time when you're really desperate to hang onto the friends that you've had from high school, and I'm sure spending some time with the folks won't impinge on that at all.
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Post by nancy on Jan 15, 2005 23:49:25 GMT -5
Yeah, your theory proved true a while ago.... burying yourself in others problems and helping them solve them is *not* going to make them realize you need help sometimes too. Not if you don't talk. But hey, my friends do say I make life funnier, and kind of easier. And that I actually listen, unlike most kids our age who do not listen, ever. And I like that, I like to listen. Even if it means shutting up. Anyway, I know what you mean, too. A year and a half ago I switched schools. None of my old friends came to my new school, so I just wanted to see them all the time. It was terrible though because the first "friends" I met at my new school turned out to have been using me, only a couple months (actually, about 6 weeks) after school started, and I just wanted to spend more and more and more time with my old friends. My family suffered, and so did I because it became harder to make new friends at my new school.
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Natz
Ravenclaw Alumni
Posts: 4,269
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Post by Natz on Aug 28, 2005 4:34:40 GMT -5
Help
I feel a bit guilty because i am currently using the universities counselling service as i haven't been able to tell my parents that as i think that they will think that i don't trust them. Its not that its just that some issues i feel more comfortable sorting out on my own. I feel a failure at the moment even though i did well in my exams. I am really confused by my emotions at the moment because one half is telling me to move out because of the few arguments even though they are not very serious. I'm just wondering what i should do.
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Post by Nie on Aug 29, 2005 2:45:47 GMT -5
It sounds like the pressure of Uni might be getting to you and it's making the little things at home stand out more than they normally would. It might be that the little arguments about little things at home are getting to you because you want to be focusing on little things instead of big things like Uni. You know that you're doing well at Uni andmaybe want to step back from it a bit, so you're finding other things to focus your attentions on. Or, it might be that you are in fact finding that there isn't enough room for you at home with your parents anymore because you really want to get out on your own - you want more independance and more room to grow as a person are are feeling that you don't have that anymore with your parents. So evn though you've done well in your exams, you still don't feel you've achieved enough because you would have liked to have become more independant and grown more as a person at the same time. Does any of that sound right to you? I think it might be best if we talk about this a bit and find what it is exactly that's making you feel this way. It really does sound like you're feeling a little stunted and/or cramped at the moment, so we need to find what's causing that feeling so we can work out the best way for you to fix it. And there is nothing wrong with going to the Uni counselling service for help. That's what it's there for - to give you someone to talk to and work things out with when you don't feel entirely comfortble talking to other people around you. That's what we're all here for too.
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